I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize