just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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