i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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