How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
