when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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