CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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