I can tuck mytits in my pants
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
