The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
