wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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