Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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