I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
