just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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