look no pants
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
