any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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