I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
