he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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