Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
