im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All the doctor said was why
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize