I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You've changed since you got that strap on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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