My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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