I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
