I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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