The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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