I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize