Me too!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
