I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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