Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
