Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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