she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
