I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
