I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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