Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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