He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
