I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am one with the molecules
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm really busy with my period
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