I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm both gender and math confused
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize