you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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