sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I came so hard my ears popped.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
