so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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