i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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