just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
