good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
