in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
