She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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