I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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