Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
