Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
