please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This baby is an asshole
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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