youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
