Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
