I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
