Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
