I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
