the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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