i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
