I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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