Im at strip club and am horny
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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