Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
