so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
