Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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