Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
