I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
