The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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