im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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