Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
