I wish I could teleport
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
