is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize