I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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