SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
