sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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