how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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