my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
