My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
