the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
