So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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