Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm like, not good at living.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
