They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
